Fancy Little Ring... NuvaRing, That Is.

This posting is about birth control and I will be talking about somewhat graphic material.

I have been on the NuvaRing for about five months now. As I began my adventure into this form of birth control, I decided to research it a bit. Of course, as a girl, I consulted my friends about their birth control options. (Much like the women in the NuvaRing ads do) My friend, Aimie, told me she LOVED it, that is was easy, she never had to worry about taking a pill, and you don't gain weight from starting it. Gotta admit, I like all those. No girl wants to gain weight while she's getting used to sleeping with someone! I'm comfortable with my body and size, but no, I don't want to put on ten pounds for any reason.
Next came watching the ads for the pros and cons- they always list the possible side effects, and of course, I wanted to see if there were any different from ol' faithful, THE PILL.
It seems, after my mini-investigation, that NR is basically birth control made easy. Once a month, non-latex ring (I'm allergic to latex) that delivers a "low dose of hormones." (though there has been some speculation on this, read more about the lawsuits and possibly deadly side effects that may be associated with NuvaRing)
As a woman, I worry about my reproductive organs and what I am doing to them by taking hormones. We all know that blood clots can happen. Stroke. Heart attack. Scary stuff. No one wants to take this stuff that could kill them, buuut... Who wants a baby when they aren't ready at all?
So I called up Planned Parenthood and made an appointment to get birth control. I asked the clinician if NR was safe- she said yes. What risks might be higher- she said no risks, but more likely I would experience an excess of vaginal fluid, that it was the most common side effect.
She was right.
Along with that, I have virtually no natural lubrication and for the first two weeks, sex was so painful I just couldn't do it. I googled this and found that many women can't have sex for a while/at all if they're on NR because of a thinning of mucous membranes and vaginal lining (though I don't know if that is a fact, it is what I have read. If you would like to know more, google probably has more answers for you).
It has, for the most part, eliminated my sex drive. I still have sex (CONSENSUALLY, mind you!!!) about 5-6 times per week, but it's not until a few minutes into it that I become aroused. This, of course, bothers me. Maybe this has something to do with no natural lubricant being present, or vice versa, and though I don't mind astroglide, I gotta say, sex is just better when you don't have to apply lube.
As far as my hormones go, PMS has been an interesting ride. I get extremely depressed, feel self-hatred (which I did NOT feel before), get excessively angry for next to no reason and feel a lot of pain (PMS, mind you, not period time). My period used to last for three days and now last 6-8, but is so light I don't need to use tampons, just panty liners. It still hurts just as much as before, only now, instead of two days of cramps, I have five.
When I called Planned Parenthood to ask about my extremely dramatic mood swings, they told me to take vitamin b12- I take a multivitamin every day, faithfully, which has 200% of my daily b12. Sigh.
I am waiting this birth control out for a while longer, because as much as it irritates my body, taking birth control pills makes me nauseous, every single day.

Maybe you have a different experience with the NuvaRing, but this is mine. I want women to be informed about what they are consuming.
Share your experiences here if you'd like; I'd love to hear about your variances.

Dancing.

I hoop dance. Well, sort of. I'd really like to hoop dance. Currently, I know how to turn in a circle, walk the hoop and I can ALMOST do a vertical lift. I would love to learn more, but classes are expensive and my hoop buddy goes back to Iowa this week. To live. Boo.

That brings me to another subject. Making friends in new places. Without a job or school, it is incredibly difficult to find people with similar interests. My only friend here, Shenae, works seven days a week and the only day I can hang with her is Monday, but soon she'll be taking a cake decorating class that I haven't the money for. Sigh.

But today!!! I have a job interview!! I have no idea what to wear, I'm terrified I'll fuck it up, and of course,I feel no one will ever hire me because of what that horrible corporation did to me about a year ago (fired me and lied about the reasoning, denying my unemployment and making me getting hired nearly impossible).

I miss working. I miss money. I want to get out of this horrible, tiny, loud house. I miss having my head together. I miss not crying every two days because I'm so stressed out.

I miss Portland so much. 

Here, there's the ocean and all this beautiful greenery, the fresh, salty air, but as soon as I step into my "home," I'm a big mess of stress and irritation. I just want to put duct tape over everyone's mouth and sip a cup of fucking coffee in silence. Seriously, if I go in the kitchen to sit at the table and read, Dan's grandmother will come in, and in her thick, old woman from New Hampshire accent and: ask me about: the cats, when Dan will be home from school or work, what time he works tonight (which she will ask him three times later today), what we're eating for lunch, did I make him breakfast, ask if I've gotten the mail, tell me her daughter is a horrible housekeeper, tell me the kitchen is disgusting, she will do some dishes, ask if there is "something good to eat," (meaning fried chicken, chocolate or something else full of fat) and eventually YELL, "OKAY, I'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE."

You may think I'm embellishing, but, no. Not even one little fiber. That is my day, only just two minutes of it. imagine about 16 hours of that. You'd want to duct tape her mouth, too.

I realize a lot of my blog is me complaining about this shitty house and how much I hate my life in its current state. Yeah. I do. I know. Sorry.

On the bright side, it is only a matter of time until I talk about our wonderful new home, our future wedding (I have a big ass file of pictures to share), kittens (OH, WE ARE GETTING KITTENS), and other fun things.

Also, I watched Dancing With The Stars for the first time with Dan's mom last night. Weird. I mean, it's interesting I suppose, but it's so... Odd. Pam Anderson was sort of sweet rather than her regular skankpop self, Jake from The Bachelor seems to be a total douche (but he did choose Vienna, so I should have known), and Buzz was ADORABLE. I was so mad that he got a 12/30. He was a good little old man dancer!

Well, now it's time to shower and prepare for this interview. Cross your fingers for me! I neeeed some money, dammit.

Good Almost Afternoon!

Dear Bloggers and Readers,

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend's incredibly annoying alarm clock (his phone, Batman theme ringtone. Don't get me wrong, I love me some Batman, but NOT at 9am) and then the kitty jumping in our bed and snuggling for roughly two minutes before zooming out. After about ten minutes or good morning snuggles, my phone rang and I answered in my "I've been up for hours!" voice. It was a place I had emailed last night about a job, requesting an interview! YAY!! (an Autism care center for children)
I am going crazy living here. Living with your significant other's (from now on, we're say S.O.) mother, your pseudo-mother-in-law, is an awful idea. Not only are MILs crazy with their empty nest syndrome, but they are passive aggressive as hell! And I do understand- as a generation raised by women who were raised by women, we try to raise our sons to be the best men in the world. The men we never had! So no matter how amazing a girl is (and I'm not all that amazing), she's never going to be good enough for one of the Saint Sons.
And, yes. Daniel is wonderful. I love every bit of him to pieces, but his mother... I like her. I do not love her. I do not feel she is 100% accepting of me. She also knows very little about me, and to be honest, I don't mind that. I used to be a very loud, outgoing person, but these days I'm a bit more reserved and introverted. I like having secrets. Like, I'm bisexual. I have dated women. His mother does not know that. My mother knows. My siblings know. Dan knows. Dan's mother does not.
Another thing she has no clue about: we are planning our marriage. The reason she doesn't know is- we live with her. Neither of us thinks it's a grand idea to tell her about it while living here. It would be too much and I know she would do that disbelief thing that mothers are so great at, where they dismiss everything because their own psychosis won't let them let reality sink in. I have a mother, I know how they work.

That subject is way too intense to stay on it much longer, so, new one: My hippie cake!
The cake I made the other day using that caramel sauce.. It turned out AMAZINGLY good, but not at all how I had planned. I didn't check to see if we had all the ingredients because we always do. Unfortunately, we didn't by the time I needed to add them. Sigh. So, I was adding the four eggs, but we only had three. To google: Egg substitutes in cakes. Google's answer? Applesauce or bananas. I used a ripe banana. Then, adding the three cups of flour, we only had one. After looking around for a while, I found a container of what LOOKED like whole grain flour, so  used that. It turned out to be whole grain pancake mix. I mix my cake and make it different colors in separate dishes- red, yellow, blue, green, orange and purple. Put it in the oven and while it's baking, I make the frosting. Two cups of powdered sugar, a stick of cubed butter, almond extract and almond butter and OH MY GOD- this is the best frosting ever. Seriously. Amazingly delicious. Wait for the cake to cool, frost, caramel on top and MMM. It's like squishy, sweet, creamy banana bread- tie dyed banana bread.
Sadly, no photos yet, but should I get some, I will add them.
I know, photos make a blog shine, but this is just a quick update before I go about my business of showering and getting ready to drop off resumes.
Cross your fingers for me! I really need a job so we can move out.

Caramel!

Caramelized onions are a wonder. They make grilled cheese sandwiches better, pot pies more tasty, and add a brilliant flavor to JUST ABOUT anything. Caramel is very much the same. It makes things sweeter while adding that wonderful taste, adds a nice gooey, smooth texture and provides a lovely color. Oh, caramel, in all your forms- I LOVE YOU.

I just tried my hand at making caramel for the first time. I was nervous, especially since the recipe warned to wear long sleeves, glasses and have a bucket of ice water ready for my scorched hands, as if it was inevitable that every cook trying to make caramel for the first time would definitely, absolutely, positively fuck it up.
GUESS WHAT, INTERNET? I didn't fuck it up. At all! *glee*

The recipe goes (this is a recipe for caramel syrup, and the only credit on the page is to "Peabody"):
3/4 c. sugar
1/2 c. water

Melt the sugar in a heavy skillet.
Umm... On what temperature? How long does it take? Well, I suppose I'll wing it.

Add boiling water to sugar once it is a deep golden color. (Stir in slowly, do not burn yourself.)
Thanks for believing in me, recipe.

That's it! So I followed the directions, and fifteen minutes later, VOILA! Caramel syrup.
I think the key to the right temp. is keeping the sugar HOT, HOT, HOT. And seriously, stir that shit contstantly! If you don't it can turn into a giant, massive ball of burnt sugar. Not the goal here.
When adding in the water, STIR!! Add very small amounts at a time or just pour really gently. It took about a minute or so to stir in the entire 1/2 cup of water. Take your time.

Well, I'm going to go back to making my cake now, but I was just so excited I had to come tell you guys about it. Once my cake is done, I'll try to get some photos so you can see it in all of its intended glory.
<3

Pesto Tofu-Feta-Caramelized Onion-Pot Pie

Comfort food is my best friend. It is also the reason I have a size 16 ass and I'm okay with that. I love food, my body loves to be fed. Things work out, and I have some killer curves to show for it.
Along with mashed potatoes, chocolate, peanut butter and the like, I love good homestyle cooking. My dad's side of the family is from Alabama and my mother's from central Oregon (desert land - barbecues and stews!) so I grew up with a lot of yummy food. Being a vegetarian, I've adapted some of their dishes to suit me and I've made up some of my own, like this pot pie. I never had homemade pot pie growing up, and as an adult I've been terrified of making pies because of the dough. It just seems so fragile and special and easy to mess up, but, let me tell you a secret-
IT'S AS EASY AS PIE.
... Yeah, I really just made that joke. But it is truly so easy! No wonder that saying has been around so long! Now, I promise, no more horribly cheesy jokes. Probably.

To the hesitant meat-eaters: I know, it doesn't sound too appetizing, but trust me, it is amazingly yummy. My boyfriend even said it would have been ruined by the presence of meat, and he's the kind of guy who would add bacon to pretty much everything, including chocolate chip cookies. Yes, that has happened (and according to him, they were amazing). If you REALLY hate the idea of eating a savory pie with no meat, add in some marinated chicken, but I think you'll enjoy it without.

To start this pie, you'll first need to make a crust. I use this simple recipe and it works well every time.
1 1/4 cups flour
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, chilled and diced into cubes
1/4 tsp. salt
1/4 cup ice water

Mix the salt and flour together in a large mixing bowl. Cut in the butter slowly (I usually do this by hand, adding a few cubes at a time) then let mix until it looks like large, coarse crumbles. Add the ice water a tablespoon or so at a time and mix until you have a large ball of dough. I use a Kitchenaid for this and it works wonderfully for this purpose.
Now, take out your dough, try not to handle it too much and wrap in plastic wrap. Put in the refrigerator for use later.

For the filling, you will need the following:
*feta cheese
*pesto marinated tofu OR your choice of savory faux meat (go for something Italian inspired)
1 carrot
1 parsnip
3 stalks celery
1 potato (I used yukon gold)
1/2 red onion
a handful of shelled peas
vegetable broth (make sure it says vegetarian if you're keeping this dish meat-free)
cumin (about 1/4 - 1/2 tsp)
rosemary (1/4 tsp)
fennel seeds (1/4 tsp)
freshly ground pepper (a whole hell of a lot)
corn starch

* I used a thin layer of each. Hard to say exact amounts, but use what you think will be good. You can do this, you gorgeous and brilliant cooking machine. FEEL the right amounts out. I believe in you.
Another side note: I live in Humboldt county where the pre-marinated tofu is aplenty. I bought mine at the store. If you want a yummy faux meat suggestion, I LOVE Morning Star Italian Sausage. Just brown in a pan and crumble into the pie. It would be very yummy in this recipe.

Slice the onion into small strips and add to a small saucepan with a a bit of olive oil to caramelize. Put the heat on LOW (on our stove, I used heat level 3 out of 8) This takes pretty much as long as the rest of the filing takes to cook, just make sure you stir the onions often to keep them from burning. You want to go for a dark caramel color. The picture included is not mine, but a great example of what I'm talking about. Here's an article on how to caramelize if you're nervous.
Chop the vegetables (sans peas, obviously) into chunks. Once all are chopped, put in a large pot.
Pour in 2 cups water (this cuts down on salt from the broth). Use vegetable broth to just cover the vegetables.
Add seasonings. Bring to a boil. Wait for vegetables to be tender (use a fork to poke the potatoes. Once they're done, everything else is, too) and then start adding cornstarch*, just a little at a time until you get a thick mixture, with the broth resembling gravy. Stir constantly while adding cornstarch. Remove from heat when you get the right consistency.

* To ensure your cornstarch doesn't show up as flakes in the broth, as it will if you add it straight to boiling water, mix it in a bowl with cold water before adding.

Now, time to roll out your dough! Preheat the oven to 425 degrees. Remove from refrigerator and break the dough ball into two halves.
Roll each one out until it looks big enough for your pie pan (I recommend a 9.5" pie pan, but use what you've got). Fill in, add the top pie crust, poke holes to vent heat and pop in the oven for exactly 30 minutes!

I know, phone pictures are horrid, but they are what I have to work with now. You can't see the amazing color (much more brown) or yummy filling- but this pie is delicious.
I served mine with a side of mashed sweet potatoes/cauliflower (tons of butter and sea salt, MMM). Goes well with blackberry wine. Also, feel free to change the cheese and type of tofu I used. I think this turned out amazingly, but you might not like feta or tofu, or parsnips for that matter! I added in the parsnip because I never eat them and I am trying to branch out. Why not eat more veggies? I am a vegetarian, after all! I also added the side dish of sweet potatoes and cauliflower because I've never made them and I'm a picky eater that tends to turn up her nose at new things. Surprisingly, they were delicious! The sweet and savory taste of the potatoes was amazing and complimented the caramelized onions so well. Try new things, branch out, find new things to love and eat in comfort. The worst that can happen is that you don't like something and you don't make it again.

I hope you enjoy this recipe, whether you use it as a guideline for your own pot pie creation or you follow it exactly. Trying new things is good for us, it teaches us about ourselves, surprises us and when you're cooking, makes you feel so accomplished!
Until next time, happy cooking!

More AMIGURUMI!

Dear Reader(s),

Yesterday I sat back down to the crochet needle and decided to freestyle an amigurumi. I wanted to make a sugar-skull-type doll. I started making a flower (I have never made one before) and that turned into my doll's hat. She is a little skeleton with lipstick, eyelashes (stitched, that is), teeth and a ribcage, a rose collar and skirt. Along with her hat. She is rather adorable, though just slightly on the lumpy side. But who am I to judge?

Today, I started again, this time making a sort of acorn-shaped body for.. I wasn't sure when I began. In white sugar & cream yarn, I made a small body and then decided to make a purple version of the shape, just smaller. I decided, after finishing these shapes, that they were to be owls.  Adorable little white and purple owls. I used the button eyes that you sew on after closing the doll, rather than the eyes that you poke through with an anchor (which I used on my sugar doll). The photo included is a mobile upload that I took after finishing my owls. I hope you enjoy it.

Right now, I am sitting on a sofa covered in amigurumi books, though I didn't use any for my recent dolls. I like to look at them for ideas, and yes, I will use the patterns at some point, but right now I'm learning how to do the basics of doll making and I really like the ability to deviate from my original plan. Yes, I have a problem with commitment. At least when it comes to projects.

Speaking of commitment, Dan and I are doing so well. He is a total sweetheart. We spend a lot of time together and, surprisingly, don't get sick of one another. Granted, yesterday, in a fit of PMS and his post-work exhaustion, we had what my mother may call a "tiff," (by the way, auto-correct didn't highlight "tiff") and were irritated for a few minutes, but those things are always resolved quickly.

That's it for fancy things. This blog post has been written over two days of ignoring my duties of writing.... But it's time for lunch.
Talk to you soon.

Fanciful Followers

I just visited my blogspot for the first time over a month, and I have followers! (Imagine a shocked and excited face, please.)

So, I'd like to thank you for adding me to your blog list... It means a lot. It means that the things I have to say are important to someone, if only for one minute, and that's nice. Thank you.
Since you were nice enough to subscribe to my blogging, I thought I'd share something new with you: my creative writing short story work as of late.
I write short stories for fun, and right now, I am working on dialogue. To do so, I had to set up a scene in order to have a conversation that a normal person may have, and I wanted to explore the feelings and meaning behind the conversation itself, because really, when do words just mean the definition that they hold? Words are complex creatures. Words are like wine- they may be just one flavor, but within that flavor are many subtleties that aren't apparent at first.
Long story short (ha, get it? It's a short story. Oh, the irony...) here is my newest short (ULTRA short) story, The Beginning.
I hope you like it.

He dialed her phone number carefully, like each number was a syllable in expressing his affection.
The way her phone rang in time with the beating of his heart, he felt that there was no way she wasn't his soulmate. What is a soulmate, anyway? Someone who we are matched to perfectly, soulfully, just... Fully. But a soul, so difficult to define, much like the people who possess them, is it just a fleeting thing, or does it continue after we expire? Does love continue after it expires?
"Hello?"
"Shannon! Hi!" Could she hear the way his voice rippled through her name?
"Hey, Lance. What's going on?"
"I was just, here, thinking about you- or, that thing you wanted to go to this weekend. The art... Thing, downtown?"
"Oh, Arts Alive! Yeah, what about it?"
He drew his breath fast so he could just get the words out of his mouth,
"Did you want to go? Um, with me?"
"Sure! It's at six. Meet me at the gazebo?"
"Sounds good. Oh, hey! Maybe, if you want, we can go to dinner first. At like, four thirty? I don't have any classes that day, so, I'm free, I don't know what your schedule is like though, so..."

"Dinner..." He listened to her voice for hesitation, but it only sounded like thought, "I think I'm free. Let's plan on it, but I'll let you know for sure by Friday. I'll talk to you later though. Gotta go to work."
"Talk to you later."
As he lowered the phone from his ear, he watched the screen change from a clock moving forward to a stopped one, blinking, and her name fade from black to red and then disappear. The waiting, the conversation, the inevitable end and then her absence felt like a relationship that had run its course. And in that there was beauty.
The beautiful potential of a beginning.

Now, for some FANCY!

Lately, I've been going stir crazy, and so I like to daydream about mine and Dan's future home together. I want one gorgeous, wooden edged sofa with some sort of lovely upholstery that contrasts our robin's egg/espresso scheme. A mustard or something. I want mirrored end tables (but you know that!) and a big, beautiful clock. Or maybe this one.

Good golly, this is a pretty living space.

We recently bought a bookshelf, and it has made a huge difference in my ten-by-thirteen foot world. (Our room is tiny) Dan was not aware, however, that bookshelves are not places to dump literature. No, no. They are places to carefully place beautiful things and books and clean regularly. Not that I clean regularly. Our floor is currently where my half of the closet is residing. What? It's not easy to pick the right sweater sometimes, and I was rushed! There was a birthday party to be had! Speaking of birthdays, let's talk about cakes. The cake I made last night (I worked on it from 11:30pm-2am).

A boxed mix and a can of frosting, simple ingredients and a preheated oven began my adventure into the land of baked goods last night, and I had every intention of making a simple, boxed cake. I'm never proud of making boxed mixes, I feel like I'm cheating and besides, homemade is better. We all know that. Unfortunately, I was feeling lazy but wanting some chocolate, so I grabbed the Betty Crocker box and added some egg, oil and water and BAM (and extra cocoa, chopped maraschino cherries and some juice from those), there was a cake. Then I decided I wanted to make it pretty. So, as the cake cooled (a bundt cake, might I add), I looked up how to drizzle chocolate. This involved tempering and adding of shortening, but I didn't have any way to measure ounces, so I used my womanly intuition and judged with my eyes as I used a casserole dish to "double boil" (with hot tap water) the baking chocolate and shortening. It turned out perfect! After that, I poured some leftover whipping cream and some vanilla into our whipped cream charger and put that in the fridge. Amazingly enough, I didn't even have to double layer the frosting (for the crumb layer)- the cake didn't crumble at ALL! After frosting it all over, I made it look uniform and grabbed the melted chocolate. With a whisk, I drizzled it like crazy (this did get chocolate on EVERYTHING, including Dan's bunny slippers that he put on my feet earlier) and it turned out very well. Then, eight whipped cream peaks and chocolate dipped strawberry slices and VOILA. I made a gorgeous cake. This never happens to me. I make yummy cakes, never pretty ones.

And lemme tell you, this was yummy.

Anyway, I'm sorry I don't have photos of this delicious cake (which I named The Bleeding Heart, since the strawberries look like, you know, bleeding hearts...). I have misplaced my digital camera. Maybe somewhere in my carefully planned chaos.

Thank you for reading my stupid musings, and thank you for subscribing. It really does make me feel special and warm and fuzzy. <3

Until next time.