Long Time, No Post!

this post has been removed because I can no longer trust the internet.

The Ex, Work and Coffee.

By "The Ex," I mean Daniel's. We call her "Clifford," as in, "The Big Red Dog." She's a redhead (I certainly don't hate on the gingerfolk- a lot of them are hot. She, however, is not), if you hadn't guessed.
She has been a little gnat in our lives this past week.
A few days ago, Dan's phone got an obscene voicemail around 11:30 from some guy saying he was fucking Clifford silly, coming on her face, etc.- LOTS of graphic detail. Gross. So, I googled the number.
It was from Clifford's work.

The next day, we went to said workplace and spoke with the manager about their phones were being used. The manager was very interested in the subject and now the owner of the store is involved. All I can say is: You reap what you sow. And she is reaping a big pile of manure.

Can't say I'm totally devastated by it.

Today, Clifford called Daniel, after telling him she had deleted his phone number, to tell him she was oh so sorry and would he pretty please drop the complaint against her and her coworkers? (Two other workers were involved in this phone call) Daniel was wavering and saying he really appreciated the apology but I was furious and told him to tell her she made her bed and she needed to lie in it. And so, he told her just that. He then told her to forget he ever existed, never contact him again, delete his number, forget him. She said okay.
Ten minutes later, he gets a text.
And another.
And another.
And, I'm not kidding, another.

He had told her at this point if she continued to bother him, he would file a harassment charge, but we both feel that it is unnecessary, so he is simply informing her workplace of her incessant phone calls and text messages.

croc from nataliedee.com

if only you eating the bitch was a solution to the problem, Mr. Crocodile.

Later, he mentioned how his mother had talked to her, and does so often, knew Clifford was moving to SoCal and that she had called his mother to talk about what happened. This infuriated me. I already feel like his mother doesn't particularly like me, and now I find out she's chatting away with his ex? So uncomfortable. If my mother were talking to my ex like they were still pals, I would be furious, uncomfortable and irritated. I asked him why he wasn't upset by their continuing friendship and he said he was but couldn't do anything about it.
I asked him to talk to his mother about his feelings on the subject.

I realize I am very whiny, but the thing is- this is my blog. It's a journal where I can talk about my selfish feelings and irritations and not worry about them.

As for work: I LOVE IT! The staff is so kind and the kids are great. Granted, getting one of them out of bed was incredibly difficult, but eventually she got up (after bribing with chocolate). You wouldn't think of some of the incentives that these kids get, but hey, what works, works.
I'm exhausted from waking up at 5am, but I'm certainly not upset about it. I loved my work day and am honestly bummed to be home. And bummed that Dan is at work.

I drank about eight cups of coffee today.
So. Sleepy.
More tomorrow!

NaPoWriMo Day 5

I have to remind myself of peace.
To take things as they come,
To flow with the changing tides
And to live without control.

I never live in present time.
Constantly in a state of daydreaming
Thinking of what could be,
How I wish things were,
Who I wish I was,
But
In truth
I am happy.

I am happy with who I am, but I'm not perfect.
I love my life, but there are things I'd change if I could, but I can't.
I never take what I have for granted, but sometimes I forget to be thankful.

To The Girl Who Used To Date My Boyfriend: NaPoWriMo Day 4

I apologize for how poorly put together this poem is... I'm angry at the moment, and after being upset about today's events, I'm just worn out.
More details on the subject later.


To the girl who used to date my boyfriend-

At age twenty one,
you should have grown
Out of this childish stage
Of selfish decisions and acting in rage
Against another human, improperly chosen
To deal with your arrogance, naivety and boredom.
If ever there was a waste of a phone call,
It would be the ones you made to him last Fall
Begging for help, love, rides and affection
When just the thought of your name would kill any man's erection.

You broke up eight months ago
and in that time you've shown
How little you can be trusted
And in turn you got yourself busted
For inappropriate calls from your work place,
Revenge that has blown up in your face.

I'm not surprised that a girl like you
Would stoop to what you're trying to do
But fortunately, my situation's intact
I have no reason to worry about that knife in my back
Because in the end, I won the man
Not to mention I wrote this bitch-ass slam.

Love Your Body: Anorexia, Bulimia and Women.

I've always thought anorexia and bulimia were such interesting diseases. Not in an "I WANT IT" sort of way, just curious. Human coping mechanisms and conditioning are so strange and always changing. Of course, every girl has her "fat days," days where, no matter what, she just feels lumpy, ugly, too much whatever. As Natalie Perkins of Definatalie says, "a case of the not-good-enoughs."

Why is it that, as women, we think the only path to beauty is through a size two? Or six? I mean, I'm a sixteen and I feel very comfortable most days. I'm also a vegetarian and I love yoga, bicycling, hiking and hoop-dancing. I want to learn to roller skate. My weight/size do not reflect my total lack of healthy habits so much as they reflect my body's natural shape and mass. Of course I could lose weight and be smaller if I truly wanted to, but as much as I hate the struggle of finding jeans at regular shops, I don't mind my size. I love that my hips are a woman's and not a young girl's. I love the round bits, my breasts, having a booty, my shape. The wiggly bits aren't as appealing, of course, but I love them too! In fact, I feed them every day ;)

PrettyThin is a website where girls can go (I imagine guys can too) for "Thinspiration." I'm sure, since we all know how to use the internet these days, that you know what thinspiration means. This is a community site, like Facebook or Myspace, where girls can share stories, tips, photos, etc., all about anorexia. Does anyone else find this alarming? I understand that everyone going through a disease needs a support system, but not in support of their disease!
The girl on the right of this photo is someone we might see in a fashion, home & garden or fitness magazine on stands today. The girl on the left is someone we immediately view as too thin, sickly, unhealthy, underweight, or whatever you want to call it. Now, understand I am not saying the girl on the right is unhealthy, I am simply saying: how long until the girl on the left is considered "normal?" If we are putting these ads anywhere, we are normalizing them and making them more and more common. Anorexia is a disease. Bulimia is a disease. It is not a way of life or living- it is a fast track to death.

I remember when I was sixteen or so and I was going to a dance club every weekend. I would get ready for a while, go downtown, hang out with friends, dance for hours then go home at 5am and crash- all without eating. Eating became less important and I suddenly noticed I had lost weight! Suddenly, I realized that the less I ate, the smaller I became, and that was intoxicating.
At first, I just skipped a meal a day, and loved that empty feeling in my stomach, but over a short period of time, I stopped eating except once a day, and I made sure it was in front of my mother so she knew I was eating, and at different times of day. I lost weight, of course. After a few weeks, I realized what I was doing. I was heading into a lifestyle I didn't want, and as low as my self esteem was at sixteen, I knew that being overweight was a better option than dying of starvation. I began eating again, normally, and have ever since.

Lastly, telling someone with anorexia that they need to "eat a cheeseburger" is very unproductive. Absolutely no one needs a cheeseburger. What we all need is more confidence, less stress on our weight and some healthy, delicious food to fill our bellies.

(That last line was a little pro-vegetarian, I'll admit, but seriously, hamburger is gross)

STANZAS!

Friendship brought me close to a heart
Love lost invited me in,
Four hundred miles apart
And true love was to begin.

Though instinct told me to stay away
I lept toward the warmth of this,
Anxiety tried to lead me astray
But I was saved with just a kiss.

Now we look upon the year
Plans made and set in time,
I no longer have to fear
I have found what is mine.

More stream of consciousness than anything.

Inside the foresty of our blankets lives a love only you have ever known, though I've shared myself with others.
The love you see is fully me, not a representation of some fantasy that I expect you to carry,
Not a caricature of who I am,
No dancing smoke between my eyes and yours.
In you, I trust completely, and you receive me
Lovingly,
The way a hand might accept a yolk;
Carefully and gently but strong and sturdy.

Every day feels like a new line in my own personal almanac

Each breath, a burst of air to lift my balloon into the sky, for me to fly high above the world, this girl, above what's happening
and seeing what is to come,
What may be undone,
The edges of the sun.

NaPoWriMo

I will be participating in NATIONAL POETRY WRITING MONTH this year! Or at least, I'm going to TRY. The deal is: 30/30! Thirty poems, one each day for the month of April. Those are the only rules! Haikus, slam, prose, whatever! I recommend you try it out as well. Any writing exercises help you grow as a writer.

Check out the website here!

Longer post later. I need to get my poetry on.